The Real Battle of the Sexes

Are you a man dealing with PMS? That's right ... I said PMS. Milk may be your hero (according to the California Milk Processor Board). Confused? There's a new controversial 'got milk?' ad campaign from the CMPB that claims men are the real sufferers of PMS and milk is supposed to help ease those forsaken symptoms. (Because when women are seeing red and crying simultaneously, and feel like a beached whale, they're reaching for the wine gallon of milk chilling in the fridge.) Still confused? The entire campaign is aimed at just how clueless men are when it comes to the monthly tornado of emotions. Consider this anti-bitch pitch your personal advisor.

What's the catch? It has apparently set off WWIII and women are attacking. The campaign caused so much controversy that the everythingidoiswrong.org site has been transformed into a damage control discussion board. To several women, this claim is sexist and offensive. I must admit, I was a little pissed at first, but after visiting the original website, I found myself laughing because it is SO TRUE! For a week or so, men and other innocent bystanders are hit by a sh!t storm of crazy out of the blue. And dare you ask if it's related to "that time of the month", we'll flatten everything in our path ... even if it is! This topic is so touchy, but SO incredibly common. Sure, it's maddening that men can't truly understand what it's like to have to physically endure PMS, but ladies, you can't tell me you don't ever feel a tiny bit of guilt in the aftermath? I can certainly understand why women are so pissed off and offended - the statement that men are the real sufferers of PMS certainly stepped on my toes a little. But there's nothing new to the other stereotypical statements. They're just calling us out on the bullshit they let slide because of PMS. COME ON, GIRLS! This is truth in advertising for once, but the truth isn't always rainbows and butterflies. It's not like they're saying it doesn't exist, or the symptoms are all in our heads. PMS is a real problem, but why is it not okay to address it? They knew this was a balls to the wall move. Think the "sexist" campaign was created by nothing but a team of men? Okay, even if it was, they're poking fun at themselves too - they're idiots on the subject.

The website had a "current global PMS level" indicator, similar to that of the color-coded Terrorist Threat Level Advisory, an emergency milk locator, a vocabulary changer (say spirited instead of fiesty), and a video apology enhancer. Here's the series of print ads.

What are you going to do, stop buying milk? Unless you’re lactose intolerant, hate milk, or are a vegan, let me know how that works out! I understand women are the main purchasers of milk and most household items, but my glass of milk is always half-full. It looks like they’re trying to target the men here … and if that happens to benefit us women by washing down the Midol and chocolate with a good ol’ glass of milk, so be it! Nothing goes better with chocolate than milk! Plus, women are at a higher risk for osteoporosis, so we could use the extra glass anyway.

And if you’re still pissed, use this campaign as an excuse to send the husband/boyfriend/significant other to the store with the whole list! It’s a win-win: save yourself from a trip to the store, save him from the upcoming bitch fest. No?

Did you hear about that California woman who chopped her husband's peter off and tossed it down the garbage disposal ... maybe he should have brought home some milk.

...Too soon?



Sources:
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/upshot/got-controversy-milk-campaign-helps-men-deal-pms-214103675.html
www.everythingidoiswrong.org

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Mystery Solved: The Crusade of The Midnight Potty Perpatrator

Let's start this chat with a little Marcy Logic, shall we?

I work in a 46 (forty-six) story building with at least one men's and one women's bathroom on each floor (I say "at least" because The Man has his own en suite Princess Potty ... and if our own Man has his own can, I would imagine there are a few other boss mans in our building that won't take a leak among the public). In each ladies' restroom, there are 3 stalls. Now because I don't use the men's room, I'm going to go out on a limb and say for all intents and purposes, the men's bathroom has 3 stalls too ... plus probably a few gross urinals, but we'll leave those out of the equation. So we have at least 276 working toilets in the building. Our office up in the sky has anywhere from 30-50 people on any given day. I think only once during actual business hours have I ever had to wait for a stall to open up ... and we have quite a few females in the office. I understand that other floors are probably set up to fit more employees, so there may potentially be time to play the waiting game and maybe give your best potty dance a go.

Furthermore, when we first moved into our office back in August, our floor had been vacant for quite some time. So naturally, one could expect for the other building tenants that sandwich our floors to take a quick trip up/down the stair well and use the bathroom on our floor. But wouldn't it also be reasonable to think that once the floor becomes occupied, they would stop infiltrating our territory? I mean, I know the hydrant has already been marked, but it's ours now. Beat it! I remember some random lady that didn't work with us walking in as I was washing my hands saying, "Oh! Someone is actually on this floor now?" Yes ma'am. Now fly, fly, little birdie. Spread the word! Almost one year later, and people are still using our bathroom. I mean, it's probably not technically ours since it is out in the hall, outside of our doors, but we have the whole floor. And we pay rent. It's just ours, okay? Hmph.

One other restroom nugget (ew, that didn't sound quite right) for you to ponder is that our bathrooms have motion sensors. So after X amount of motionless time in the bathroom, the lights go out. A week or so ago, I got up to go to the bathroom. I opened the door, and the lights were off. I continue walking in quite content because I knew that meant no one had been in there for a while (i.e. no weird smells) and no one would be in there. I go into a stall, and just as I'm contemplating my latest potty pondering, I heard another toilet flush and the toilet paper rolling. Ok, wait ... *head tilt* ... I thought I was alone. The lights were DEFINITELY out. And I DEFINITELY did not hear anyone else come in behind me. Was this person peeing in the dark? Oh. OOoooh. Oh, Lord. I'm not sure at which point the lights go out, but how long had this person been in there? Oh, no. I had to get out quick before she assaulted my olfactory senses (not that ladies do that). I washed my hands and got the hell out of there. I was also afraid that she would come out while I was at the sink (even though I was curious who it was) and there'd be that whole extremely awkward moment like "I totally just caught you waging war under the cover of darkness."

Just this week I had another encounter with the Midnight Potty Perpatrator (I like nicknames, ok? They're fun and they come in handy). I walked in and the lights were definitely off. I go in to do my business, and heard another toilet flush. Only this time, she beat me to the sink. IT WAS SOMEBODY FROM A DIFFERENT FLOOR!!!! Can we just talk about this for a second? Am I the only one who finds it odd / a little rude that she felt the need to launchWorld Wars III & IV on our floor? I mean, I guess she didn't want the humiliation of her own co-workers catching her in the act ... in the dark ...  but really? Seriously? If our floor was still vacant, bomb away. But, please, PLEASE I BEG YOU, use your own floor's bathroom. Or become The Woman of your company and get your own Princess Potty. Thanks and Gig'em.

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Beard Maintenance, Aisle 9

As I was checking out of Target, another gentleman customer approaches the register and asked the cashier, "Excuse me, Miss? Do you know where I can find products for beard maintenance? I don't think I'm looking in the right spot."

Beard maintenance. I'm not sure what it was about the combo of those two words, but something made me giggle to myself (as per yoojh). Maybe it was because I immediately pictured that scene in 40 Year Old Virgin where Steve Carell's character, Andy, is getting his chest waxed into a man-o-lantern. Beard maintenance. I mean it's a very effective description of what he was looking for, but I don't know ... I can't say I've ever heard it. Additionally, I've never needed to look for beard maintenance supplies because I'm a girl, but I think I would have just asked for razors or something.
Anyhow, as the cashier begins to tell him which aisle to check next, I stop digging in my purse for a brief moment to turn around to see who would say such a thing. I think I L-LOL'd (literally laughed out loud) ... Just a single guffaw ... as I saw the beard needing maintenance. Dude.

"Try one of the aisles past the cosmetics in Health and Beauty."

No sir, wait. I think you may want to try Lawn and Garden with that thing. That's quite a beard; may I suggest taking a gander at a nice pair of hedge shears?

Now I understand why he said beard maintenance. This wasn't just your typical grizzly bear scruff of a beard, or a 5 o'clock shadow (and by the looks of it, he probably grows a 5 o'clock at noon). This was definitely the beard of a guy who takes his beard seriously - jet black, fluffy, and evenly distributed about his face.

Beard maintenance.

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