Marcy Monologues: Is there a class for that

Showing posts with label Is there a class for that. Show all posts

Monday, March 5, 2012

"Here's Your Sign"

I can't tell you how many times at work I hear people say, "well how do you turn it on?" Okay, are you FOR REAL? I think by now, in our technologically consumed world (whether you're a techie or not) it is safe to assume a universally accepted symbol for the power button has been established. Google time, shall we?

Ah, yes. Yes, indeed! Eureka!! If you can locate this little symbol, you can usually find the power source.

Would you look at that?!

Now, I'll admit ... some devices can be tricky, but a little trial and error won't hurt, folks. Harness your inner 4 year old ... "What's this button do?" Go ahead and press it! Even us kiddos that grew up with computers, cell phones, and game consoles a-plenty can get thrown for a loop. Enter one eve when yours truly was dog sitting for a coworker. Keep in mind, I've grown up with PCs, and all she had was one of those fancy new Mac desktops that has everything built into the monitor. She usually kept it on, and would just go into sleep mode if you walk away for a bit. But one day, it powered down completely. Well, I was looking for that magical power symbol but it was nowhere to be found. I even tried feeling around and glancing at the back of the monitor, but no luck. I couldn't get a good enough view. I was kind of embarrassed by myself that I couldn't figure out how to turn on this stinkin' computer. It CAN'T be this difficult. Soooo, after much contemplation, I pulled out my phone and Googled it. I figured if I couldn't figure it out, there had to be more people out there in the same boat, but I wasn't about to ask my coworker how to do it! Seriously? Hey, Google! Where is the power button on a Mac desktop? Oh. My. Gosh.

Why thank you starcelaeno! This made me feel much better!

So I turned that bad boy around, and there it was! I must have slid my hand back there a dozen times, and definitely didn't feel anything! Glad to know I wasn't crazy after all ... I just had one of those pretty moments. And yes, it did have the power symbol! In the words of Bill Engvall, "here's your sign!"

Thursday, July 21, 2011

The Real Battle of the Sexes

Are you a man dealing with PMS? That's right ... I said PMS. Milk may be your hero (according to the California Milk Processor Board). Confused? There's a new controversial 'got milk?' ad campaign from the CMPB that claims men are the real sufferers of PMS and milk is supposed to help ease those forsaken symptoms. (Because when women are seeing red and crying simultaneously, and feel like a beached whale, they're reaching for the ~~wine~~ gallon of milk chilling in the fridge.) Still confused? The entire campaign is aimed at just how clueless men are when it comes to the monthly tornado of emotions. Consider this anti-bitch pitch your personal advisor.

What's the catch? It has apparently set off WWIII and women are attacking. The campaign caused so much controversy that the everythingidoiswrong.org site has been transformed into a damage control discussion board. To several women, this claim is sexist and offensive. I must admit, I was a little pissed at first, but after visiting the original website, I found myself laughing because it is SO TRUE! For a week or so, men and other innocent bystanders are hit by a sh!t storm of crazy out of the blue. And dare you ask if it's related to "that time of the month", we'll flatten everything in our path ... even if it is! This topic is so touchy, but SO incredibly common. Sure, it's maddening that men can't truly understand what it's like to have to physically endure PMS, but ladies, you can't tell me you don't ever feel a tiny bit of guilt in the aftermath? I can certainly understand why women are so pissed off and offended - the statement that men are the real sufferers of PMS certainly stepped on my toes a little. But there's nothing new to the other stereotypical statements. They're just calling us out on the bullshit they let slide because of PMS. COME ON, GIRLS! This is truth in advertising for once, but the truth isn't always rainbows and butterflies. It's not like they're saying it doesn't exist, or the symptoms are all in our heads. PMS is a real problem, but why is it not okay to address it? They knew this was a balls to the wall move. Think the "sexist" campaign was created by nothing but a team of men? Okay, even if it was, they're poking fun at themselves too - they're idiots on the subject.

The website had a "current global PMS level" indicator, similar to that of the color-coded Terrorist Threat Level Advisory, an emergency milk locator, a vocabulary changer (say spirited instead of fiesty), and a video apology enhancer. Here's the series of print ads.

What are you going to do, stop buying milk? Unless you’re lactose intolerant, hate milk, or are a vegan, let me know how that works out! I understand women are the main purchasers of milk and most household items, but my glass of milk is always half-full. It looks like they’re trying to target the men here … and if that happens to benefit us women by washing down the Midol and chocolate with a good ol’ glass of milk, so be it! Nothing goes better with chocolate than milk! Plus, women are at a higher risk for osteoporosis, so we could use the extra glass anyway.

And if you’re still pissed, use this campaign as an excuse to send the husband/boyfriend/significant other to the store with the whole list! It’s a win-win: save yourself from a trip to the store, save him from the upcoming bitch fest. No?

Did you hear about that California woman who chopped her husband's peter off and tossed it down the garbage disposal ... maybe he should have brought home some milk.

...Too soon?

Sources:
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/upshot/got-controversy-milk-campaign-helps-men-deal-pms-214103675.html
www.everythingidoiswrong.org

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Pretty Moments

Sometimes, people say or do dumb things ...

Example:

Visitor: You know you guys aren't listed in the directory downstairs?
Me: Oh, really? No, I didn't. Thanks. I'll have that checked out.
Visitor: Yeah, so then I tried looking [him] up under Individuals, but I couldn't find anyone there either.
Me: Well, I would imagine if we aren't listed as a company in the directory downstairs, our employees wouldn't be individually listed either.
Visitor: Oh, yeah ... that's true.

(Of course it is.)

And sometimes it's so far beyond a blonde moment the only thing you can say is "you're pretty" - as in, "I'm not sure where your brain just ran off to, but at least you're pretty." You don't want to draw attention to their brain fart with mean insults, so you give them a "compliment".

Example:
I walked into the mail room and a co-worker was trying to run an envelope through the postage machine, saw me, and asked for help.

Co-worker: Oh, good! It's you! Can you show me how to work this?
Me: Sure, of course.

I walked over to a blank screen ... (Seriously. Seriously? Really? I know it all looks pretty vague and makes loud noises, but it's not THAT difficult!) ... and pressed the power button.

Me: You're pretty. It helps when you turn the machine on.

I can't make this up.