Marcy Monologues: randomosity

Showing posts with label randomosity. Show all posts

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Honks: Decoded

I had an epiphany the other day during my commute to work amongst my fellow oh-so-pleasant Houston motorists. Every honk has a meaning. Some are very direct and to the point with universal meanings, others have a loose translation that is highly dependent on the situation. Have you ever been stuck behind someone who could move up juuuust a smidge so you can proceed with your right-on-red or your U-turn? I have, and that's why I decided to be polite to the person behind me, who actually had their blinker on, so they could inch by me into the turn lane. But as I inched forward, their blinker quickly disappeared from my rear-view mirror and reappeared into my side-view mirror as half of their car hugged my bumper, and the other half occupied the turn lane. But short of love tapping the person in front of me, I couldn't move up any further. Did you know this crazy person had the nerve to honk at me?! "Hey! Move up!" ... So of course I honked back ... "Dude! What do you think I've been doing for the past ten seconds? Hellooooo, can't you see I'm practically touching the car in front of me? Pipe down back there! Rude." (Yep, my one honk said all that.) This of course made me think of all the different things a honk can say. I took the liberty of interpreting some common honks for you, and for my visual learners I've included a few pictures and a short clip. Let's begin.

Meep*

Mornin’!

Meep Meep

Hey, neighbor! Look, I’m waving at you.

Like Barbie and Teresa.

Meep*

Go ahead.

Meep*

Still here.

Meep Meep

That's what Beaker said.

Meepmeep

Watch out for that trashcan behind you!

(Quick and friendly as if you’re saying “I’ve got your back.”)

MEEP MEEP!

You’re about to back into me!

Peep

Excuse me. Can I get by?

(This one you try and lightly tap so it sounds a little more polite.)

Beep

Whoa there!

BEEP

GO!

BEEEEEP!

COME ON! IT'S GREEN!

Beep Beep

Pay attention, Buddy!

Beep! Beep!

Loved that show!

HONNNK

&@#% you!

HONNNK!

&@#% you, too!

HONK! ... HOOONNK! ... HHHOOOONNNNNNNNNK!

What the hell are you doing? ... WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?! ... WHATAREYOUDOING?!

(This honk has so much frustration, you physically brace yourself in your seat as you lay on the horn. This honk is also accompanied by the white-knuckled death grip on the steering wheel, and maybe a little shaking depending on the severity of the situation.)

As seen in the opening scene of Office Space

BEEP! BEEPBEEPBEEEPBE-BEEEEEEPBEEPBEEP! HONNNNNNKHONK!HONK!HONK!HONK!

HONNNNNNNNNNK!

WE WON! LET’S PARTY!

(Yes, that’s “We are the Champions” you hear playing in the background.)

BEE-BEE-BEE-BEEP, BEE- BEEP, BEE-BEEP

Hullabaloo, Caneck, Caneck!

WHOOP !

(Then there’s the Hullabaloo Fail that ends up sounding more like the aforementioned general celebratory honk. And yes, there’s a difference.)

HHHHHHHHOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKK!

HELLOOOOOOO. You’re starting to veer into my LAAaaaaanne! No really, I just clenched my cheeks like Nacho Libre, my passenger just grabbed the “oh S*#@” bar and OHMYGOSHWE’REGONNADIIIIIIE!

And just in case you needed one more visual to solidify that last translation, I'll leave you with this.

Nacho Libre - Recreation Clothes
Tags: Nacho Libre - Recreation Clothes

P.T.

This clip prompts the Nacho Libre effect. It gets me every time.

Sources:

* Thanks for your input, dear sweet Rabecki with an 'i'!

Barbie and Teresa

Beaker

Roadrunner

Samir from Office Space

THE BEST SCHOOL ON EARTH

Nacho Libre

Granny Driver

Monday, April 25, 2011

Thought of Randomosity #4: Folders with Brads

Who the heck is Brad, and why is he so hard to find?!

Found this picture here

Whoever he was, he must have been really good at holding papers together.

And he must have also really liked making paper skeletons like Mr. Bojangles here.

And I found this picture here

That's all.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Restroom Naming Convention

Have you ever noticed how public bathrooms are labeled? Women’s restrooms are usually labeled either ‘Women’ or ‘Ladies’, and men’s restrooms are usually, well, ‘Men’. Rarely have I seen a men’s restroom labeled ‘Gentlemen’. My point, you ask? It just seems that if you call the female restroom ‘Ladies’, shouldn’t you call their male counterpoint’s baño ‘Gentlemen’? You know … “Laaaadies and gentlemennnnnn” … that whole chestnut? When we leddies excuse ourselves from the table, we say we need to go to the ladies’ room, the little girls’ room, or the powder room. Duh, that’s because our restrooms are extravagant lounges filled with plush couches and the aromas of fresh linens and fields of daisies - we rest. That is why we go in pairs. Silly boys, who wants to go sit by themselves? I’ve never heard a man say “I’m going to the gentlemen’s room.” It’s always the men’s room or the little boys' room (or my personal favorite as my grandpa says, “I have an important meeting to get to.”) because, let’s face it, men do MANLY business in their “rest”rooms, and little boys fill the sinks with water, throw toilet paper, give each other swirlies and have contests to see whose stream can go the farthest. I’m sure by now some of you are wondering how a girl like me knows so much about men’s bathrooms. Well, when you’re a girl at the age of 6 out in public with your dad and your tiny bladder is calling (loudly for the second time since you’ve left the house, and yes, you went before you got in the car), he’s not going to send you into the ladies’ room unsupervised. He takes you with him in the men’s room like any good father would do. (Daddio, I love you to the moon and back, but that was always super awkward and scary. I’m sure it was equally awkward for you, if not more. Thanks for guarding the door.) Anywho, I guess the knights of the roundtable at the Restroom Naming Convention actually knew what they were doing. There is nothing really gentle about the men’s restroom after all.

This is how the Ladies' and Gentlemen's door signs would look.

Here we have a gentleman (marked by his top hat, morning coat, and walking stick) and a lady (marked by the Victorian big booty dress, hat and parasol). They are fit for the Royal Wedding.

This snazzy couple may also be found in the famous painting

"A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte" by Georges Seurat.

Has anyone ever noticed the monkey in this painting?

P.T.

Do you think Victorian women ever asked their husbands, "Does this dress make my butt look big, dear?" (By the way, I typed that in a Mrs. Doubtfire meets Julia Childs voice.) If so, I hope their suitors looked their ladies in the eyes and replied, "Why, yes, my sweet darling, it makes your butt look rather large!" (And that was Michael Cane's voice you just heard). But instead, I'm afraid the gentleman lied out of respect and said her rear end didn't look big because he didn't want to upset her. Which then leaves me to believe the lady added layer after layer under that blasted dress in hopes he'd say her back side did indeed look big and round. "What about now, darling dear? Does THIS make my tail feather look larger?" Victorians ...

Photo sources:
Lady and Gentleman Door Signs
Sunday Afternoon

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Thought of Randomosity #3

I need a coffee cup that tells me when my coffee has reached the optimum temperature for consumption. I always get too eager and burn my tongue.
Hungry Jack tells you when your syrup is piping hot. Coors colors the mountains blue when your brew is as cold as the Rockies.

If only this mug was a little more descriptive.